Monoliths prepare UK for terraforming
Two recent discoveries by amateur astronomers, first a scar on Jupiter and most recently an unexplained bright spot on Venus confirms the prophecy of the great Visionary and (alleged, he had a baby in a womb in one of his films!) paedophile Arthur C Clarke. The prophecy tells of a great monolith appearing, orbiting above Jupiter and then turning the giant planet into a star. All hail monolith, makers of great video games and stars! Scientist's have cleverly created a side by side comparison of the new scar and a computer generated image of the original fake Jupiter eating monoliths.
The images clearly show that the planet is being eaten alive and will therefore soon turn into a new star. This new star will ensure that the UK finally gets more sun than it's 1 day every 365 years. It is believed that this is an effort by monolith to try and terraform the UK into a habitable country through extermination of the current chav infestation. Middle class UK citizen John Pinford welcomed the imminent termination of the chav population saying, "about bloody time, these roughians have been tormenting my radishes for far too long". He added, "I do hope we can produce our own tea now, I am fed up of relying on those Indians and Chinese for my daily hit, I mean spot of tea". Asked whether he would advocate a new wine industry developing under the new star Pinford shuddered, " I'm afraid not my good sir, wine is for those French cheese eating surrender peasants, the land of Great Britain shall remain a staunch advocate of the ale and will fight to the bitter (end) in order to protect it".