Jizz comes out to play
Richmond, London, UK, EU, Earth, Sol, Milky Way: In a ground breaking announcement Cumington Technologies (LSE: CUM), a Richmond based high tech firm, announced the imminent release of an innovative media format, the Jizz.
The Jizz format will detect the emotions of the viewers or listeners of the media and adjust playback speeds and tempo in order to achieve maximum pleasure. Cummington Technologies calls this peak eruption manipulation. It is believed that combination of hocus pocus, mumbo jumbo and African American magic is used to achieve this.
Richard Cummings, CEO of Cummington Technologies explains, “Invariably when you are watching certain videos or listening to certain music, there are peaks of emotion the artist wants you to feel. What the .Jizz format does is allow your media playback device to monitor your emotional state using our innovative peak eruption manipulation technique so that the user does not peak too early. Maybe the user is too excited by other events, in that case the .Jizz slows things down, if the user isn’t excited enough, maybe the user is depressed, .Jizz speeds things up and even repeats bits it feels are vital for peak stimulation.”
Analysts believe the new format has many uses and is targeting industries that are always at the forefront of driving entertainment media. “VHS, DVD, Jizz, you will hear these formats throughout time and one industry alone will have driven them”.
The Jizz format will detect the emotions of the viewers or listeners of the media and adjust playback speeds and tempo in order to achieve maximum pleasure. Cummington Technologies calls this peak eruption manipulation. It is believed that combination of hocus pocus, mumbo jumbo and African American magic is used to achieve this.
Richard Cummings, CEO of Cummington Technologies explains, “Invariably when you are watching certain videos or listening to certain music, there are peaks of emotion the artist wants you to feel. What the .Jizz format does is allow your media playback device to monitor your emotional state using our innovative peak eruption manipulation technique so that the user does not peak too early. Maybe the user is too excited by other events, in that case the .Jizz slows things down, if the user isn’t excited enough, maybe the user is depressed, .Jizz speeds things up and even repeats bits it feels are vital for peak stimulation.”
Analysts believe the new format has many uses and is targeting industries that are always at the forefront of driving entertainment media. “VHS, DVD, Jizz, you will hear these formats throughout time and one industry alone will have driven them”.
How will you use your .Jizz?
posted by mcmonkey at 10:32 am
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